scene from doctors office, participants are the nurse, my son Nathan and I. My comments are written normally, my inner dialogue is italicized
“Nathan Smith” the nurse calls. Nathan, his mother and I all rise.
“I only need one parent at this time” she says “we are just taking vitals”
His mother sits back down to continue filling out the 3000 page medical form she has been laboring over for the past hour, the little help she got from Nate and I consisted mostly of jokes and smart ass comments.
From the nurses first question I was enveloped with an overwhelming sense of guilt and fear.
“Can you verify Nathans date of birth for me dad” she queries.
Sure it’s ah, um.
“3-7-2000” she interjects.
Yea, yea, that’s it 3-7-2000. My god I’m a fucking idiot.
“Are all of his vaccinations current?”
Yes they are, I boldly state. Ok I sounded better on that one; I hope Suz has taken care of that stuff as usual.
“Any broken bones or emergency hospitalizations in the past”
Uh, no, some stiches in his head about 3 years ago. I later learn that the stiches incident was almost 8 years ago and he had broken toes a few months back that I still swear no one mentioned to me. He’s a tough and stoic little guy.
“Is he currently on any medications?”
Meds, Meds, Meds? Cough syrup, no that’s not what she’s asking jackass, she’s talking about scripts, wasn’t he taking something recently?
Are you taking any medicine these days Nathan?
Yea, my breathing machine, answers my mini me.
Oh yea, he uses albuterol with that breathing machine thingy.
Shit that is probably important, should I go get Suzanne right now, Fuck Fuck Fuck, I’m a complete idiot
“Is that on a daily or as needed basis?”
Um, as needed, not very often, maybe once or twice a month, I stammer and leave her with an expectant expression on her face. Fuck I wish his mom was in here.
“Is he allergic to any medications?”
No, not that I know of. Allergic to meds? Allergic to meds? This sounds serious but I really don’t think so.
“Is he allergic to any foods?”
I don’t think so but all we ever eat is pizza and hamburgers so I don’t really know, ha ha. Fuck Fuck Fuck what kind of father am I?
“Now we need to get a B.P. and pulse, I’m going to put this around your arm cutie and you slide your finger in here.”
“Any history of heart disease or stroke in the family?”
Uh, not that I know of. Lunacy maybe should I mention that.
“Ok, now step up on the scale, we need to get a height and weight and then were all finished”
Thank you, it was nice to meet you. Fuck me; I hope none of those questions were important.
Hey Suzanne is Nathan allergic to anything or on any medications or…………?
No comments:
Post a Comment