Peer Review 2-22-11

Alyssa Brown

I appreciated your twist and creativity on Prompt #14. I always personally find it exciting when someone takes an assignment and does it with their own interpretation instead of just literally following instructions. The descriptions of the aspects of dance and of the pain and discipline involved behind the scenes were informative and insightful

I did notice several grammatical errors in this piece and feel that it could use some revision from a purely proofreading standpoint. Some of these include:  paragraph 1 the use of apart should be a part

Paragraph 2  hip flexors hurts, too many plurals in this description, “ we than move into stretching” should be “we then”

Paragraph 2  “being an objective” does not make sense to me, and the final sentence of that paragraph is confusing, possibly replace the word is with in

Jesus Corona

Great job last week. I thoroughly enjoyed your use of humor and particularly enjoyed laughing at your pain from the bike wreck. I am concerned with your reference in both postings of ears either falling or being melted off. Just kidding man, I’m sure this is not the appropriate venue to discuss classmates mental stabilityJ  I particularly enjoyed your use of footnotes in prompt 14. It was an added bonus of info, description and humor that I might like to utilize in writing sometime.  The title of prompt 14 is a little confusing to me. Either I just missed something or possibly a more descriptive or informative title might be used to help intro the writing.

Lindsay Fraser

Great job last week. I particularly enjoyed the Marinara writing. You used very detailed descriptions that I seem to lack in my writing. These descriptions work very well, involving the reader in the story, giving it depth and detail, and also made me very hungry. The use of the marinara sauce and its different aspects or ingredients in the various geographical locations worked well to distinguish between the regions and was a great way to introduce the areas and make the story flow.

The only part I found troubling or thought could possibly use revision is this sentence “When we traveled to Nice, located near the Mediterranean Sea, in the south of France, the pasta included fresh pieces of fish amongst the pureed marinara sauce; however, instead of the traditional spaghetti noodles, the sauce was placed atop circular noodles which somewhat resembled “Spaghetti O’s.”  It seemed a little choppy or broken. It only stood out because the rest of the story transitioned so seamlessly, so even if it is grammatically correct it just didn’t seem to fit well.