“Are you going to the show tonight Mike?” Ryan asks, and I thought it an odd question. Then I realize that he doesn’t want to go with this girl because he is afraid his girlfriend will be there and if he makes her mad she might tell his wife what has really been going on. He gets an amazing amount of action for a fat bastard.
“I would like to but I don’t have a ride, why are you going?”
“No, I’m not going but she is and she doesn’t know how to get there, its kinda hard to explain the directions so if you’re going too she can take you and you know where it is.”
“Yea that’s good” replies Mike “I’m gonna need to jump in the shower. Can you watch my chicken and when it is done in the middle take it off the stove for me? I just checked it and it was still a little pink but it should be done in 5 or 10 minutes tops.”
I’m thinking to myself, yea right that fat bastard will take it off the stove and put it in his belly.
“Yea O.K.” “Is it cool if Mike rides with you sweetie, I don’t feel like going tonight?”
“Sure that’s fine baby, are you sure you don’t want to go?”
Ryan yells after Mikes retreating figure “Hey Mike, wait can you give me those directions again?”
“Sure, you take the 202 to Scottsdale road and go north...”
“No, no not that, you said something about chicken?”
“Oh yea, yea I’m gonna take a quick shower but my chicken is almost finished cooking. Can you check it in about 5 or 10 minutes and see if it is still pink in the middle. If it is done just set it off the heat and I will eat when I get out of the shower.” Mike explains “I’ve got to hurry cause we will need to go by 7:30 to make it on time.”
“OH, all right, can’t you just take it off when you finish showering.”
“No, it will burn.”
“How long does it take you to shower?” asks the fat bastard who is now proving he’s a lazy bastard as well. “Ooh you do that hour long shower thing don’t you?”
“No, ill hurry we’ve got to go soon, if I wait for the chicken to finish first I won’t have time to get cleaned up and eat before we go…”
“Cheazus Criminies” I jump into the conversation cause I’m trying to read here and this should not be so difficult or require nearly as much dialog. “I’ll keep an eye on the freakin chicken, go get cleaned up so yall can get up out of here and I can get some dam work done.”
“Soooory” Mike draws the word out in that prissy way of his.
“Go” I say, you can get away with bossing roommates like that when they see you training every day.
“I was hoping to eat on the way” this nameless bimbo pipes in, not to insult any ladies out there but bimbo is the only way to describe this one “do you really need to shower?”
“Are you thinking about somewhere that serves ice cream?” Mike wants to know.
“Jack in the Box is right next to a Cold Stone Creamery” the bimbo says
“Oh I love Cold Stone, give me 5 minutes to throw on some socks and brush my teeth”
I’m gnashing my teeth trying not to listen to their conversation but the next thing you know I’m listening again. I don’t have a desk in my room and am trying unsuccessfully to catch up on some homework at the kitchen table.
“What about that chicken?” The fat bastard wants to know.
“Oh, I’ll eat it later, John can you finish cooking for me?”
“Might as well, can’t get any reading done around here any way.” Is my reply.
“You’re so mean.” Says Mike
“Can I have some of that chicken?” the fat bastard of course wants to know
“Yea but save me half, I want to have a salad later.”
The bimbo confuses the situation with “Chicken salad; that sounds good”
“You just want to eat salad here and get some ice cream after the show?” Mike questions. “I have plenty”
Of course the fat bastard can’t resist an opening concerning food “Can I have some to?”
“Well yea, but you should finish cooking the chicken while I get dressed”
“I don’t know, I’m not really that hungry, it just sounded good for a second”
Jeez that guy is so lazy; I don’t know how he manages to feed himself enough to get that fat.
“Where are you going John, I need you to take the chicken off the stove when it’s done.”
“F you guys, I’ll be studying in my room and I better not hear any more of this stupid conversation or I’m gonna go nuts on both of you.” I state in my angry mean voice as I head down the hallway.
“Wow, that guys an asshole!” I hear the bimbo say before I slam the bedroom door.
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