Prompt #37

Tyler Perry has earned notoriety in multiple countries around the world and accumulated vast millions of dollars with his depictions of himself dressed as an overweight mad black woman. While I have never actually seen one of his plays or movies in their entirety I have been subjected to the advertisements and reviews of his brand of entertainment. The shows center around the Black Family genre of PG rated entertainment and are enjoyed by large audiences compromised chiefly of black children and black mothers. This dempgraphic claims to find Tyler Perry and his brand of genius just that; genius. To these audiences nothing is more family entertaining than a 6ft 2in man stuffed into a fat suit and then clothed and made up to appear to be a woman. In the original show that started this craze Tyler played the part as a Mad Black Woman. He has since expanded his repetorie to include a Nice Black Woman as well.

Many others, myself included, Find Tyler Perry and his Christianity based family comedy to be quite frankly ludicrous. Even forgetting the fact that the idea is unoriginal as it was already pulled off by Martin Lawrence in Big Mammas House before Tyler Perry hit the scene. Watching Martin Lawrence bounce around in a fat black woman suit with Paul Giamitti playing the supporting role was slightly humorous because there was no underlying argument for Christianity. When Perry tries the same gag later but is adamant about including those cute little christianityisms in his stories what comes out is not entertaining, it is in a word offensive.

Week 11 Peer Review

Week 11 Peer Reviews

Jamie

Great job on the lead in paragraph that eventually leads to the revelation that we will be in a cemetery. It was drawn out perfectly to build interest in the piece.

In the Bus Ride writings I noticed a lot more of the psychological components of the characters than I did the actual writing style. Great job on both writings.

Kayla

I thoroughly enjoyed the excellent descriptions included in your posts this week. I had a difficult time identifying with the writings and characters in all three of your posts this week but was amazed by the beauty and style you used throughout writing them.

Kimberly

I particularly like the way you intro your stories, the backstory approach provides very helpful insight to the story I am about to read. Excellent work. You used concepts and ideas that can be related to by almost anyone and the beautiful and eloquent style of writing makes for great reading.

Prompt 34 Interview

In an attempt to discover the methodology, the long guarded secret reasoning, the science behind how all of these beautiful women in the Phoenix Metropolitan area determine which man to share all of themselves with I conducted an interview with my own beautiful one and recorded her answers to a series of questions that I as the interviewer determined would provide the most insight in the shortest time available. In the following paragraphs I will share the questions and answers as well as the conclusion I extrapolated from the aforementioned answers.

Question: Stacie Autrey, what do you look for in a man and why?

Answer: sexual attraction and how he interacts with others

Question: Is this sexual attraction you are looking for a function based on your most basic animal desires for a strong and perfect male specimen to be utilized for reproductive purposes or is it simply a quest for carnal pleasure?

Answer: I am looking for a connection that leads to great sex, kids are out of the question, you know that John

Question: Does having these purely sexual relationships create inner conflict with your natural maternal “nesting” instinct?

Answer: No

Question: You have not yet found that relationship where you have been willing to “settle for life” how do you know when it is time to move on from your current man?

Answer: When the intimacy is gone, when we start treating each other like roommates I’m out.

Question: When you go “on the hunt” for a new man how do you attract them?

Answer: With my eyes, the looks I give them

Question: Do you think that beautiful cleavage you have on display right now might have something to do with attracting potential mates?

Answer: Of course sweetie, that’s how I got your attention!

As the interviewer and originator of this particular unscientific study I was able to make the following conclusions about how women attract their mates and how they pick the winners. Yes I can judge an entire regions inhabitants just by interviewing a single sample, and I am the one writing this article so you know what that means right, My opinion rules.

I conclude from the above statements that all women (ok I digress, not all women, maybe just the women I attract or find attractive) are seeking purely sexual relationships with the “hottest” man they can find. These women will go to extreme lengths to get what they want including but not limited to; spending hours on hair, makeup and nails and the great monetary expenses that come with these beauty modifications, exposing or accentuating the parts of their bodies that they think men might find most attractive, including but not limited to their breasts and buttocks, and finally using sexy and seductive stares and eyelash batting to lure the men in.

Final Conclusion: If a woman wants a man for sexual pleasure, we men don’t stand a chance of resisting.

Writing Prompt 33 Unsual Place

The first most outstanding thing that I notice is the quiet of the place. After almost a year in Sheriff Joe’s shithole of a jail, the constant clanging of doors, loudspeaker notifications and general overpowering racket of 90 men in a concrete and steel dorm, the silence is a welcome oasis of joy. The official title of this place is the Arizona State Prison Complex, Douglas, Mojave Unit. I now call it home. One would think that a person would not be even O.K. upon entering a prison yard, I am actually quite happy. Happy because this is such a better cage to be in than where I spent the last 11.5 months. You see I am not really your typical convict type, I’m well educated, financially stably, generally responsible and a kind person but in a state that is big on mandatory minimum sentences for minor drug offenses I end up spending way too much time behind bars. I also have an attempted escape charge on my record stemming from a drunken incident in a Gilbert Sheriff Substation in which I almost walked away from a sheriff’s officer. I didn’t escape shit, I wasn’t even in handcuffs much less a cell but I was charged with it and it is that little mark on my file that has ended me up on this particular medium security controlled movement yard. It is that charge that I was never convicted of that has me now locked down 23 hours a day and cohabitating with some serious convicts who are serving time for everything up to life sentences for murder.

I told you all that to tell you this, after you get past the fact that you have lost every single person, possession and shred of dignity in your life and you are going to spend the next few years locked up in a violent environment with little or no personal freedom… well Douglas is going to be an ok place to be. The difference in being in here as opposed to the lower security level yards is that in here with the lifers there is a better quality of convict living, and it all starts with the silence. This most basic extravagance that I found so unexpected is necessary and vital simply because this is such a potentially violent environment. The residents here have necessarily been transformed into their most basic animal state struggling daily to get their needs met. There are murders here, there are shanks hidden under lockers, there are men walking around in packs whose specific job in this world is to inflict bodily harm on those who break the convict rules. And it makes the quality of life quite surprisingly good. Because the price to be paid is so extreme for any and all infractions, for any hint of disrespect for your fellow sufferers, most people most of the time treat each other and the environment with a level of care and respect I have not witnessed anywhere else in the world.

In this world, my new reality, there is no urine on the toilet seat. There is no toothpaste or whiskers in the bathroom sink. There are 16 men living in an area about the size of an average fast food dining area and I am not subjected to listening to another’s choice of music or television program. Headphones are utilized and the volume is kept at a minimal level. There is no trash on the floor, on the sidewalks, anywhere but in the trash can. When gaseous bodily functions are passes they are done with ones buttocks securely sealed onto the toilet and flushed immediately or they are shunted to the outdoors through a window. If a popular sporting event is scheduled like the super bowl or the World Series permission is gathered form all who might be affected before a semi noisy party is thrown. Beds are made and personal areas kept tidy because others don’t want to have to look at your mess or dirty laundry. Care is made and thought goes into every action because in these close quarters everything you do affects those around you. Casual conversations are carried out in low voices, the quietest you can speak without falling into a whisper.  People are going through serious things here, they have been removed from their ability to live life, they must sit back and observe and do their best to try to deal with what is happening because they have lost control of their lives. Wives are sending divorce papers in the mail, parents and children are passing away and these men are locked in a cage helpless to do anything about these outside events. You might catch the wrong convict in the wrong mood after an unpleasant phone call home and he might just be looking for an excuse to vent his barely controlled rage about something like say, his girlfriend is turning tricks for drug money while his young children are left unattended all night. You might not want to be the one  doing something very annoying in close proximity to that individual. You might want to be doing whatever it is you’re doing…. Quietly.

Prompt 29 Variation

First Person POV

I had just met Stacie the week before and we hit it off like mad. There were sparks flying everywhere and we had a hard time keeping our hands off of each other even though we were on the light rail heading back from downtown. We had been playing a little game for the past few hours, discreet little touches and kisses, nothing inappropriate for the public setting but very meaningful to us and preludes to the evening we had planned. We were sitting in the first 2 seats right next to the door and got the full brunt of abuse from the extremely intoxicated woman who boarded at this particular stop.

“You guys are getting ready to go fuck” she slurred at us before planting herself in the seat next to me. I was mortified. Her boozy, dead cat smelling breath wafted over us as she continued her prediction of the things my date and I had planned for the evening. “He’s just gonna fuckin use you bitch” the smell was starting to overpower everything, unwashed flesh, rotting teeth, greasy hair and a weeks’ worth of  cheap booze and wet cigarette buts. “He’s gonna knock you up and then leave you to raise them little bastards on your own, aint gonna pay nuthin, mutherfucker prolly didn’t even buy you a proper meal, prolly got them warts or some that clap, mutherfucker, cheap dirty bastard” . She’s vacillating between a slurred mumble and a low screech right into our faces. There was no reason for this attack and I didn’t know how to stop it.

Come on let’s move I tell Stacie. “Yea run ya fucker, you dickless bastards always do, mutherfucker” she snarls. I can feel my anger rising, my face is burning and I am overwhelmed by confusion of how to handle this horrible situation that we are now in. Stacie is clinging to my arm for dear life and begging me to go, let’s just go. So we did. We got up and went to the next car to continue our trip. There were no more soft kisses on my neck for the rest of the night.

Third Person POV

I’m on the light rail heading home from the Suns game. Me and my buddy Mike are about half drunk enjoying scoping out all the fine ladies on the train. There is this one in particular I am grooving on but she has herself firmly attached to this big blond dude and it looks like it would take a lot of working to get her to come over here and give me some of those little kisses she keeps given him. Anyway I’m still checkin out her fine legs when this bag lady stumbles on and starts talking to her and that dude.

I can’t hear what the bag lady’s saying but she is getting quite a reaction out of the couple. Their eyes are as big around as saucers and they look like they are entering fight or flight mode. I elbow Mike and tell him to watch this, something is about to happen. The blonde dude has his fists clenched, his face has turned so red it’s comical. It looks like the bag lady is just wearing them out; I can hear her screeching but I can’t tell what she’s saying. She only has one shoe on and on her other foot is a red sock that about matches the red in the blonde dudes face Ha Ha.

Aw, shit they moved on and left the bag lady sitting there talking to herself. I was hoping there was going to be a fight or something I could film for u-tube. Hey look at the rack on that chick.

Peer Review 3-22-11

Week 10 Peer Review

Hey all, hope you had a great break!

Jamie

I enjoyed your calm persuasion piece particularly for its balance. You handled a difficult topic in what I believe was a fair manner. You stated your argument or opinion firmly without being overbearing or argumentative. I feel this would be an easy topic to rant about but you managed to convey acceptance of others views but your opposition of them forcing them on to others without even throwing in any FU’s. Nice job writing about a controversial subject.

Kayla

Ok this is off to a great start, the art of procrastination, that is an awesome subject and the intro paragraph is very well written. That was so very entertaining, hilarious and well written, thank you I needed that. Not a complaint I can come up with this week, you nailed it on all counts. Your use of sarcasm and the use of asking questions and then answering them is very effective and engaging. Free exercise procrastination- priceless J

Kimberly

Your writing from last week is excellent. I particularly like your use of facts and figures to back up or reinforce your subject. This seems to be an effective war to give the reader an even greater understanding of your subjects to compliment the very passionate and descriptive narration you use. And I also like any story that uses the word backasswardJ Great job

Prompt #25 Dialogue

This conversation has been edited to remove most of the offensive language, especially during my parts of the conversation :) It was suggested to me in this weeks peer review that I may be a little to casual in my writing approach and I would like to express my sincere apologies if I offended any readers. That is definately not my intention. I come from a rude environment and sometimes I feel crass language necessary to convey feeling in my writing but I will try not to overdo it. At least I will try to keep it to PG-13. Thank you new teammates and I hope you all have a very nice week.

“Are you going to the show tonight Mike?” Ryan asks, and I thought it an odd question. Then I realize that he doesn’t want to go with this girl because he is afraid his girlfriend will be there and if he makes her mad she might tell his wife what has really been going on. He gets an amazing amount of action for a fat bastard.

“I would like to but I don’t have a ride, why are you going?”

“No, I’m not going but she is and she doesn’t know how to get there, its kinda hard to explain the directions so if you’re going too she can take you and you know where it is.”

“Yea that’s good” replies Mike “I’m gonna need to jump in the shower. Can you watch my chicken and when it is done in the middle take it off the stove for me? I just checked it and it was still a little pink but it should be done in 5 or 10 minutes tops.”

I’m thinking to myself, yea right that fat bastard will take it off the stove and put it in his belly.

“Yea O.K.” “Is it cool if Mike rides with you sweetie, I don’t feel like going tonight?”

“Sure that’s fine baby, are you sure you don’t want to go?”

Ryan yells after Mikes retreating figure “Hey Mike, wait can you give me those directions again?”

“Sure, you take the 202 to Scottsdale road and go north...”

“No, no not that, you said something about chicken?”

“Oh yea, yea I’m gonna take a quick shower but my chicken is almost finished cooking. Can you check it in about 5 or 10 minutes and see if it is still pink in the middle. If it is done just set it off the heat and I will eat when I get out of the shower.” Mike explains “I’ve got to hurry cause we will need to go by 7:30 to make it on time.”

“OH, all right, can’t you just take it off when you finish showering.”

“No, it will burn.”

“How long does it take you to shower?” asks the fat bastard who is now proving he’s a lazy bastard as well. “Ooh you do that hour long shower thing don’t you?”

“No, ill hurry we’ve got to go soon, if I wait for the chicken to finish first I won’t have time to get cleaned up and eat before we go…”

“Cheazus Criminies” I jump into the conversation cause I’m trying to read here and this should not be so difficult or require nearly as much dialog. “I’ll keep an eye on the freakin chicken, go get cleaned up so yall can get up out of here and I can get some dam work done.”

“Soooory” Mike draws the word out in that prissy way of his.

“Go” I say, you can get away with bossing roommates like that when they see you training every day.

“I was hoping to eat on the way” this nameless bimbo pipes in, not to insult any ladies out there but bimbo is the only way to describe this one “do you really need to shower?”

“Are you thinking about somewhere that serves ice cream?” Mike wants to know.

“Jack in the Box is right next to a Cold Stone Creamery” the bimbo says

“Oh I love Cold Stone, give me 5 minutes to throw on some socks and brush my teeth”

I’m gnashing my teeth trying not to listen to their conversation but the next thing you know I’m listening again. I don’t have a desk in my room and am trying unsuccessfully to catch up on some homework at the kitchen table.

“What about that chicken?” The fat bastard wants to know.

“Oh, I’ll eat it later, John can you finish cooking for me?”

“Might as well, can’t get any reading done around here any way.” Is my reply.

“You’re so mean.” Says Mike

“Can I have some of that chicken?” the fat bastard of course wants to know

“Yea but save me half, I want to have a salad later.”

The bimbo confuses the situation with “Chicken salad; that sounds good”

“You just want to eat salad here and get some ice cream after the show?” Mike questions. “I have plenty”

Of course the fat bastard can’t resist an opening concerning food “Can I have some to?”

“Well yea, but you should finish cooking the chicken while I get dressed”

“I don’t know, I’m not really that hungry, it just sounded good for a second”

Jeez that guy is so lazy; I don’t know how he manages to feed himself enough to get that fat.

“Where are you going John, I need you to take the chicken off the stove when it’s done.”

“F you guys, I’ll be studying in my room and I better not hear any more of this stupid conversation or I’m gonna go nuts on both of you.” I state in my angry mean voice as I head down the hallway.

“Wow, that guys an asshole!” I hear the bimbo say before I slam the bedroom door.

Peer Review 3-8-11

Jamie

I enjoyed both of your posts from last week,” Responsibility” more for the subject matter and lesson and “City of Angles” for the writing style. It is more the writing style we are supposed to focus on so mostly I will focus on “City of Angles”. The first two paragraphs were excellent in my opinion. They were…..I’m not sure exactly the word I’m looking for, kind of a cross between professional and poetic.  I liked your use of questions and then answers to introduce and describe subject matter and situations. It is a very effective way to lead into your descriptions. When you enter the third paragraph I wonder if the part about the waitress is possibly unnecessary or misplaced. You have introduced the city and many of its occupants in the first 2 paragraphs and speak of everyone you make eye contact with and how they all want to make it and then you go into that line about a single person. Then you go back to speaking of everyone again and the beach being an escape for all. That transition from the many to the one then back to many didn’t seem to transition very smoothly, at least not the way I read it.  (can you make any sense out of those sentences I just wrote  whoo those were roughJ)  Maybe you can put the waitress in the writing earlier, in the part where you are talking about individuals (Abed, the homeless guy, the pizza place) to make the story flow better. That way at the end you can focus on the many and the unity. Great job on both pieces, entertaining and well written.

Kayla

I found your piece “Tangible awkwardness” to be very well written. You used a great variety of adjectives throughout that worked well to convey feeling or describe the situations. From the title all the way through to the end this piece did a great job of conveying the brutality of witnessing this event. I cannot find a thing negative to say about this writing, I even scoured for incorrect punctuation and sentence structure but in my opinion you nailed this one. Great job and very interesting story.

Kimberly

I found both of you pieces this week to be very detailed and well written. In the comic-con story I particularly liked your use of pictures to supplement and enhance the story. This is a tactic that I might like to work in to my writing soon.  If a picture is worth a thousand words can I just post a pic and skip the writing? Hmmm…. Anyway very good job and excellent attention to detail and general flow of the entire piece. It was longer than most writings I have reviewed in this class but in no way was it too long or unnecessarily drawn out. You provided a lot of information and some very interesting analogies and explanations. Your Hermie Doodle Dee piece was also very good; I thoroughly enjoyed this ultimately sad and intimate look into your life and appreciate you sharing it with me. I have been through a similar situation but even without that experience I would still have been able to feel your emotions through your excellent writing. Also again I enjoyed the pictures you included. I had to look hard to find something negative in your writing and this is the only paragraph that I noticed might use some revision.   “I happened upon this gaggle of seven, on a mid-October morning, during my daily walk through the desert behind our property. Of course, being who I am, I couldn’t not pay attention to seven abandoned puppies in the middle of the desert, and that was all it took. Before I knew what had happened, I had a train of puppies following me home.”   It’s the 1^st and especially the 2^nd sentences that don’t seem to flow as well as the rest of the piece and I got hung up on them for a second.  They just seem a little broken and I think you could find a way to make them read a little more smoothly. Overall I think you did a great job last week.

Prompt #21

Michael has been talking about piercing his lip for three days now. I finally said come on Ill do it, but lets do it right now, right fucking now. This starts another round of well I should smoke a cigarette first because I'm not supposed to smoke afterwards, and I should probably eat something because I wont be able to eat again tonite.
Michael is a funny dude. I use the term dude loosely because if he had his way he would rather be called dude'et. Michael is gay, not bisexual, gay. Please don't be offended, he would not mind my telling you at all, in fact if you ever meet him you will see that it is quite obvious. And just to let you know for the sake of clarity, I don't want to punch a hole in his lip because I have issues with his sexuality, I like the guy and call him a good friend. I want to punch a hole in his lip because I'm tired of hearing him whine about wanting it done but backing out every time he almost does.
There is a lot of whining and bullshiting going around this house on any given day. That is just what naturally happens when you share a house with 7 guys. There are four of us home right now and everyone is using this event as an opportunity to express their opinion.
Rock says, Mike your an idiot. Go to a shop and let a pro do the job. Nick has expressed his concern of communicable diseases and the fact that there is going to be blood spilled in the bathroom. Ryan said, oh yea ill go to the gym later, I got to stay and see this.
Michael just finished his pizza and disappeared into the bathroom. What are you doing Michael I yell, concerned that he will do it himself and rob us all the joy of witnessing the deed. Brushing my teeth comes the muffled reply. He is so considerate.
Do any of you guys have Vaseline, Michael questions." What the fuck for" questions Ryan? Rock pipes in with "I got some Astroglide". Come on guys I need it to lube the needle. Nick is heading out the door, I can tell he really wants to stay and see the show but he is meeting a female tonite and I'm glad to see he is making the right choice by not keeping her waiting. I'm cracking up and reading what I'm writing to them all.
 All right its group smoke time, Ill be back to report what happens next in just a few minutes. Oh yea Michael is now cutting an apple to use as a backing so his teeth don't get chipped. OK Ill be back.

That was awesome. I assumed we would go from the outside in but Michael wanted me to go from the inside out so his teeth wouldnt get chipped. He had a scar from a previous piercing but wanted this one a little lower so i spied the scar moved down about an eight of an inch and shoved this very large needle right through his lip, through the apple and into his finger, he he he. He  had  this very professional looking

Holy Shit, I'm typing away when Michael stumbles out of the bathroom and collapses, banging his head into the wall on the way down. I was watching the whole thing and jumped up to catch him but I was too late. I could only hold his head after he was down while he shook, snored and basically freaked us all way out. He was out probably a full 30 seconds, long enough for me to picture going to prison for accidentally killing him. Rock and Ryan were standing there doing absolutely nothing. I'm sure they are going to want to read this account so I must reiterate that they were doing absolutely nothing while I valiantly scrambled to save my friends life. This writing is supposed to focus on others per the assignment directions but I must briefly describe my heroic measures. I held his head off the floor so he wouldn't do further damage to his cranium, and did that painful rub his chest plate with my knuckles thing like they always did on ER to revive patients and, and, well that's about it. I wasn't wearing a shirt at the time so even if my actions weren't heroic I'm sure I at least looked heroic.
Rock and Ryan just left to go to the gym, I told them if Michael was dead when they got back they better testify on my behalf in court someday. Michael is now smoking that cigarette he said he wouldn't be able to have after his procedure. He asked for some Ibuprofen to help keep the swelling down but all I have to offer is acetaminophen or Alieve and he says that wont help.
His piercing looks great, he is impressed at the straightness of the hole and gave me his thanks. I told him he owes me $39.99 for labor. I'm keeping  him in sight out of the corner of my eye as I type and so far he is still upright and breathing. He told me he passed out during his tattoo and whenever he has had blood drawn as well. Thanks for letting me know after the fact asshole.
It didn't go exactly as planned but all's well that ends well, right? Not as fun as an evening of hookers and blow but definitely cheaper and hell, I got a story out of it.

Prompt #20 Scene from doctors office

scene from doctors office, participants are the nurse, my son Nathan and I. My comments are written normally, my inner dialogue is italicized

“Nathan Smith” the nurse calls. Nathan, his mother and I all rise.

“I only need one parent at this time” she says “we are just taking vitals”

His mother sits back down to continue filling out the 3000 page medical form she has been laboring over for the past hour, the little help she got from Nate and I consisted mostly of jokes and smart ass comments.

From the nurses first question I was enveloped with an overwhelming sense of guilt and fear.

“Can you verify Nathans date of birth for me dad” she queries.

Sure it’s ah, um.

 “3-7-2000” she interjects.

 Yea, yea, that’s it 3-7-2000. My god I’m a fucking idiot.

“Are all of his vaccinations current?”

Yes they are, I boldly state. Ok I sounded better on that one; I hope Suz has taken care of that stuff as usual.

“Any broken bones or emergency hospitalizations in the past”

Uh, no, some stiches in his head about 3 years ago. I later learn that the stiches incident was almost 8 years ago and he had broken toes a few months back that I still swear no one mentioned to me. He’s a tough and stoic little guy.

“Is he currently on any medications?”

Meds, Meds, Meds? Cough syrup, no that’s not what she’s asking jackass, she’s talking about scripts, wasn’t he taking something recently?

 Are you taking any medicine these days Nathan?

Yea, my breathing machine, answers my mini me.

Oh yea, he uses albuterol with that breathing machine thingy.

Shit that is probably important, should I go get Suzanne right now, Fuck Fuck Fuck, I’m a complete idiot

“Is that on a daily or as needed basis?”

Um, as needed, not very often, maybe once or twice a month, I stammer and leave her with an expectant expression on her face. Fuck I wish his mom was in here.

“Is he allergic to any medications?”

No, not that I know of. Allergic to meds? Allergic to meds? This sounds serious but I really don’t think so.

“Is he allergic to any foods?”

I don’t think so but all we ever eat is pizza and hamburgers so I don’t really know, ha ha. Fuck Fuck Fuck what kind of father am I?

“Now we need to get a B.P. and pulse, I’m going to put this around your arm cutie and you slide your finger in here.”

“Any history of heart disease or stroke in the family?”

Uh, not that I know of. Lunacy maybe should I mention that.

“Ok, now step up on the scale, we need to get a height and weight and then were all finished”

Thank you, it was nice to meet you. Fuck me; I hope none of those questions were important.

Hey Suzanne is Nathan allergic to anything or on any medications or…………?