Michael has been talking about piercing his lip for three days now. I finally said come on Ill do it, but lets do it right now, right fucking now. This starts another round of well I should smoke a cigarette first because I'm not supposed to smoke afterwards, and I should probably eat something because I wont be able to eat again tonite.
Michael is a funny dude. I use the term dude loosely because if he had his way he would rather be called dude'et. Michael is gay, not bisexual, gay. Please don't be offended, he would not mind my telling you at all, in fact if you ever meet him you will see that it is quite obvious. And just to let you know for the sake of clarity, I don't want to punch a hole in his lip because I have issues with his sexuality, I like the guy and call him a good friend. I want to punch a hole in his lip because I'm tired of hearing him whine about wanting it done but backing out every time he almost does.
There is a lot of whining and bullshiting going around this house on any given day. That is just what naturally happens when you share a house with 7 guys. There are four of us home right now and everyone is using this event as an opportunity to express their opinion.
Rock says, Mike your an idiot. Go to a shop and let a pro do the job. Nick has expressed his concern of communicable diseases and the fact that there is going to be blood spilled in the bathroom. Ryan said, oh yea ill go to the gym later, I got to stay and see this.
Michael just finished his pizza and disappeared into the bathroom. What are you doing Michael I yell, concerned that he will do it himself and rob us all the joy of witnessing the deed. Brushing my teeth comes the muffled reply. He is so considerate.
Do any of you guys have Vaseline, Michael questions." What the fuck for" questions Ryan? Rock pipes in with "I got some Astroglide". Come on guys I need it to lube the needle. Nick is heading out the door, I can tell he really wants to stay and see the show but he is meeting a female tonite and I'm glad to see he is making the right choice by not keeping her waiting. I'm cracking up and reading what I'm writing to them all.
All right its group smoke time, Ill be back to report what happens next in just a few minutes. Oh yea Michael is now cutting an apple to use as a backing so his teeth don't get chipped. OK Ill be back.
That was awesome. I assumed we would go from the outside in but Michael wanted me to go from the inside out so his teeth wouldnt get chipped. He had a scar from a previous piercing but wanted this one a little lower so i spied the scar moved down about an eight of an inch and shoved this very large needle right through his lip, through the apple and into his finger, he he he. He had this very professional looking
Holy Shit, I'm typing away when Michael stumbles out of the bathroom and collapses, banging his head into the wall on the way down. I was watching the whole thing and jumped up to catch him but I was too late. I could only hold his head after he was down while he shook, snored and basically freaked us all way out. He was out probably a full 30 seconds, long enough for me to picture going to prison for accidentally killing him. Rock and Ryan were standing there doing absolutely nothing. I'm sure they are going to want to read this account so I must reiterate that they were doing absolutely nothing while I valiantly scrambled to save my friends life. This writing is supposed to focus on others per the assignment directions but I must briefly describe my heroic measures. I held his head off the floor so he wouldn't do further damage to his cranium, and did that painful rub his chest plate with my knuckles thing like they always did on ER to revive patients and, and, well that's about it. I wasn't wearing a shirt at the time so even if my actions weren't heroic I'm sure I at least looked heroic.
Rock and Ryan just left to go to the gym, I told them if Michael was dead when they got back they better testify on my behalf in court someday. Michael is now smoking that cigarette he said he wouldn't be able to have after his procedure. He asked for some Ibuprofen to help keep the swelling down but all I have to offer is acetaminophen or Alieve and he says that wont help.
His piercing looks great, he is impressed at the straightness of the hole and gave me his thanks. I told him he owes me $39.99 for labor. I'm keeping him in sight out of the corner of my eye as I type and so far he is still upright and breathing. He told me he passed out during his tattoo and whenever he has had blood drawn as well. Thanks for letting me know after the fact asshole.
It didn't go exactly as planned but all's well that ends well, right? Not as fun as an evening of hookers and blow but definitely cheaper and hell, I got a story out of it.
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