ALL PEERS IN GROUP #4
I just noticed our group has 5 members and all others have 4. I was the late add and odd number and have caused more work for all yall. My apologies, please don’t hate on the 5th man, it’s not my fault its Prof Patel’sJ J I’ll write a petition for extra credit in my next blogJ
Lindsay Fraser
Strengths
“Diastole” is an excellent descriptive piece. You obviously put much effort into your writing and it shows. I like how you use the command or request of ”Imagine this” before part of your description. It helped me to not just read through but encouraged me to take a little more time and “Imagine this”. Probably not really supposed to include this in peer review but I have to comment that I like the content of your writing and your blog as well, your connection to and the importance that you place on family is really cool.
My humbly perceived weaknesses:
I don’t want to be a smartbutt but it really is ingrained in my nature. If the place can only be found by someone who has traveled there before, who found it in the first place? I know what you are trying to say but maybe that doesn’t make perfect sense?
Alyssa Brown
Thanks for the invite to your show, that was very considerate.
Strengths:
Prompt 13; Excellent description and effective content. Your use of pictures spaced throughout the writing was very effective in allowing me to focus on the place being described and added depth and meaning. Very well done.
My humbly perceived weaknesses:
I did not particularly care for the intro where you said you did not really connect with the blog. It set me up for disappointment and affected the way I read the story. It’s the power of suggestion; if you had written something like “this is going to be the greatest story ever” I might have believed it and thought it was a better writing. Just a thought, it’s just my opinion but you might have left that part out.
Miranda Colony
Strengths:
“For admittance to the Highland Celtic Festival, we gladly hand over 24.00 and receive our 2 lovely bracelets that state we can in fact get lost here.” That is an awesome beginning to a story. It indicates from the first line that this will probably be an enjoyable read. Great descriptions and use of humor, nice job.
My humbly perceived weaknesses:
“This is a dangerous passion he’s learned to trust after some experience, but to a first time outsider, he seems all too brave, almost stupid to go in with so little coverage.” I found this sentence a little confusing and feel it could work a little better with revision. Maybe it makes perfect sense I just don’t understand the process or passion. Not sure if it is you or me but I'm a little confused with this piece, maybe a picture or 2 could add to this description for us of the uninformed.
Jesus Corona
Strengths:
Superfly; frickin awesome. I shared it with my kid and he got a kick out of it as well. Extremely creative, well-illustrated and enjoyable. You keep knocking it out of the park my man, it is a pleasure to have you in my group and I am blessed that I am forced to read your writingJ
My humbly perceived weaknesses:
In one day Becky will be moving to Poughkeepsie to attend Vassar College. Maybe its just getting late but I tripped up on that sentence for a minute. I thought she was physically moving all her stuff in one 24 hour period? Possibly using “tomorrow” or different wording might make this a little easier to read for us blue collar folks. Just a thought
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