The heat. The agony. The hopelessness. No sensation of passing time. All is black, all is pain, all is suffering. I can’t see anything real, I seem not to have eyes but there is a constant stream of consciousness, a constantly changing picture of all that is evil, all that is wrong, all images from my life. There is a disconnected voice constantly drumming in my ears, though I no longer really have ears do I, nor a head to hang them on, a haunting off tune voice, hysterically screaming but plodding, impossible to ignore, impossible not to hear, vibrating through my soul. It seems to be reading a list of all my sins, all my regrets, all opportunities to change, all those opportunities missed or ignored. I’m not sure if it is a never-ending list or if it has just been repeating itself over, and over, and over, and over. A constant subconscious prodding of my senses, a constant soundtrack to supplement the pictures, those horrible remembered images reminding me where I came from and why I’m here.
How long have I been in this pit? How did I get here, is this dream or reality? It mustn’t be a dream, it has been going on forever it seems, no starting point and seemingly no ending. How can this be endured when surely it would propel any mortal being straight past reason and consciousness into insanity. Could any mortal mind endure this without shutting down into sweet oblivion to protect itself? That in itself answers itself. I am no longer a mortal mind. I am but a soul, a tortured soul. No means to transport myself forward or back, no means of control, no longer the sweet freedom of free will. Nothing but cold and burning, blackness and blinding painful light, all-consuming agony, fear, despair and complete hopelessness. Never again sleep, never again love, never again laughter or joy. The negative things I chose on earth, the dark and evil acts and feelings that I wallowed in are now mine to relive forever. Never again a chance at redemption. Never believed in hell, I do now.
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