Strengths:
Oh wow. I read the intro where you stated that you were writing from you and your sisters’ perspective but the first time through I didn’t get it. This time I did. Very cool now that I understand, the same day seen through two completely different perspectives. It was also thought provoking because it led me to pondering my own reactions to that day, and got me out of my own little world and mind for a while and into yours.
My humbly perceived weaknesses:
Your sentence structure, in my humble opinion, and transitions could be a little easier to read or flow a little better with some slight revision. They just seem a little choppy to me, like some of the sentences could be joined together instead of separated to read a little easier.
Jesus Corona
Strengths:
Great story about you and your mom’s car ride, I really enjoyed the content and the style. I particularly liked your use of different letter styles in #9 the use of bold and italics to separate the methods of communication was very clear and effective.
My humbly perceived weaknesses:
I can’t find a thing to pick on my man. Well done, in going to keep reading the textbook and maybe I’ll find something to bitch about next week :)
Lindsay Fraser
Strengths:
I think you did an excellent job last week. Your use of the particular songs corresponding to the incidents in "A Night to Remember" was very effective and entertaining. They helped convey a sense of mood and provided additional description to the story. "Keep Your Eyes on the Road" was a very moving piece and I’m sure a difficult piece to tackle. Thanks for the intro it worked well to begin the story and provide details that might have not worked as well if introduced in the story.
My humbly perceived weaknesses"
In #9 the intro paragraph, "A recent accident involving a close friend of the family just happened” sounds a bit redundant, I feel could possibly be revised to sound a little better.
Miranda Colony
Strengths:
"Monsanto vs. Choice" was very well written and definitely conveyed a lot of information in an organized and convincing manner. The use of your own personal experience in the intro paragraph was a great segway into the news story and eased the reader in to what is a very serious piece. "I don’t Care" was also very good. I know that song well and it seems very appropriate and descriptive of the situation. I liked the style of the piece as well, it was descriptive and easy to read and understand
My humbly perceived weaknesses:
" How is it not scary that such a necessity to daily living is such an ill educated subject, that we do not know as a general public there are only a few major companies that produce our foods, unless we shop at the source of local farms and farmers markets." This line from "Monsanto" was a little difficult to read. I feel that with a little revision it could be made to transition easier.
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